In the year 2012…
… The phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” will fall out of favor for “making fun of Tim Tebow.”
… In accordance with her recent pledge to tone down her sexiness, Nicki Minaj will exist less.
… A “Got Milk?” ad featuring Dakota Fanning will be ruled as child pornography.
… Nobody will make fun of Justin Bieber when he hits puberty and then has sex with all of our girlfriends.
… The Oxford English dictionary will add the phrase “Rebecca Black” to denote anyone who projects their self-loathing onto culture.
… Though Serena Williams recently shocked America when she admitted she doesn’t like tennis, no one will be surprised when she admits she can crush a penis with her labia.
… The Mayan apocalyptic prophecy will come true solipsistically when everybody agrees to stop pretending to be fascinated with Mayan culture.
… Adam Carolla will win Celebrity Apprentice since he’s the only contestant who’s an actual celebrity.
… It will be discovered that internet memes are invented by the government to quell the iconoclastic rage of involuntary celibates.
… Sociologists will conclude that the length of a marriage is directly proportional to the amount of money a couple spends on Netflix.
… Kim Kardashian, along with her next husband, will buy Netflix.
… A girl whose boobs are surprisingly awesome when seen naked will be referred to as a “Lady Gaga.”
… The popularity of Zooey Deschanel will reach an unnatural high when guys start to find one-piece bathing suits sexy.
… Racial harmony will progress when the number of Indians who pretend to be black becomes so overwhelming that everyone just lets them have it.
… GLAAD will make Alex Rodriguez an honorary gay man after it’s determined that the women he dates have more testosterone than the average queen.
… Sexologists will determine that the number of times a man uses the word “underboob” is directly proportional to the amount of times he masturbates.
… Whitney Cummings will suddenly become way less funny for some reason when she gains three pounds.