In the year 2014…
… Fat acceptance will reach a new low when somebody will use the word “phat” and expect everybody to think it’s funny and original.
… A men’s rights activist will become head of the Oxford English Dictionary. Subsequently, “freedom” will be redefined as the freedom to have women love you no matter how fat and stupid you are.
… Jewish men will start a new hate group against black men who date Asian women. The group’s name will be, “Well now what are we supposed to do?”
… Youtube comments will simmer down when the “submit comment” button will be relabeled as the more accurate “I don’t get laid” button.
… In order to maintain relevance with its dominant user base, Facebook will change its name to Menopausebook.
… Proponents of white privilege will be confounded when they learn about confounding variables.
… The New York Times’s new, more relevant tagline will be “All Ethnic Names Fit to be Omitted.”
… Huffpo will post an article lamenting the broken state of internet journalism. The headline will be “Is Your Spouse Cheating on You Because Internet? (NSFW).”
… The sentence “I’m really attracted to her because she’s assertive and has a good job” will continue to be said by no man ever.
… Tibetan monks will figure out they only need to tell women about their celebrity crushes instead of taking a vow of celibacy. Since it accomplishes the same thing.
… The Ken Burns effect will continue to refer to the video panning technique made popular by its namesake. Additionally, the Ken Burns affect will refer to the pretentiousness people exude after watching a Ken Burns documentary.