Have you read through a comment thread? I have, and every time I do I feel like I’ll never be happy again. They’re the dementors of the internet.
Leaving a comment is worse. It combines the aforementioned unhappiness with a masturbatory element. Your comment is as meaningless as a self-induced jizz stain. You may feel good for that split second as you hit “post,” but the build-up and post-comment nap are pure, uncut self loathing.
So we’ve done away with the comment thread. I don’t want you, the reader, to comment—I want you to have a discussion. My telephone number is 646-383-3637, so if you have anything to say about what I’ve written—or what any of the contributors have written—feel free to give me a call and we’ll hash it out.
Or call somebody else, or talk to your neighbor, your girlfriend, or some guy walking down the street who looks like he could use an earful.
Not only does this class up Animus Empire, but this classes up society. Imagine if, whenever we expressed an opinion, we had to explain it coherently and publicly. In a society in which it takes thought and nerve to have an opinion, people will become better at having them.
More importantly, discussions make you a well-adjusted, engaged person—comments make you a basement-dwelling mouth breather. Discussions temper feelings of self-righteousness through confrontation. Discussions are constant reminders your thought in your head doesn’t matter unless you can communicate it to other people, especially to people who disagree with you. In short, comments are for the peanut gallery, discussions are for high society.
As a bonus, I’ll record every phone call, so if we have a good discussion, then I’ll post the mp3 at the end of the article. This makes the article an evolving organism, like how the snow leopard grew a longer tail to give it better balance.
As opposed to what comments do, which is more like putting four asses on a monkey.