I would never vote for a woman presidential candidate. Women have ovaries. And if you don’t know what ovaries can do to the brain of a human then you’ve never talked to a girl before. But now, I’m not sure I would vote for a black candidate, not because he’s black, but because he’s black and surrounded by a race-sensitive culture. It’s too bad. America has worked really hard for a black president to be possible, but just because something’s possible doesn’t mean you’re ready for it.
A black president was fun at first. It gave us the feeling that America was over race, like we all had a black friend. But it didn’t take long to realize it was only possible to criticize Obama if you were also black. The Left loved calling Obama critics racist. It combined the two things they love most: not thinking and feeling right.
The Right, who have pointed this out many times since Obama took office, made themselves appear to be above race, which is weird because racism and religion are totally gay for each other. But now that they have a black guy as their frontrunner, it’s clear no one is above race. Ann Coulter, who speaks for much of the Right given her book sales, responds to the sexual harassment allegations brought against Cain that the Left cannot deal with a conservative black man. “Uh oh,” everyone’s subconscious is thinking, “if Cain wins, it’s going to be four more years of tip toeing around the race issue.”
Even Cain thinks that the sexual harassment allegations are racially charged. The only way that he could be right about this is if the allegations weren’t factually charged (*cough, cough*).
And that’s exactly the problem. We’ve become such pussies about race in America that it actually starts to get in the way of facts. Our inhibitions get in the way of ideas. Not many epithets end a conversation in this country—people are totally fine with being called fat, lazy, and incompetent (or just “Glenn Beck fan”)—but the word “racist” has the power to end just about any stream of thought, no matter how insightful. And we need streams of thought to cool off political correctness like Huffington Post needs Kim Kardashian in order to have something to talk about.
The only solution is this: Congress needs to ratify an amendment to make it legal for only one race to hold public office. It doesn’t matter what race it is. White, black, or Asian. Even Italians would be okay. And the ethnic group would be picked out of a hat. To avoid suspicion, we’ll let a retarded kid do it.
I’d be in favor of putting an expiration date on the amendment, but no sooner than 20 years. After 20 years, we can have normal elections again to see where we stand. If calling the presidential candidates Hitler seems racially motivated in addition to being a bad argument, then we’ll need to give it another 20 years. Sure, this idea is super dumb, but it would work, which just goes to show how super dumb we are.
At least ideas would flow freely again, and even stupid ones matter.