Hey you, you’re going to die. It’s important to remember this almighty truth because it keeps you on your toes. Death is every man’s Cato. A great way to keep death on the front of your mind is to come up with your final words beforehand. Make them funny, too, because men laugh at death—unlike
(Why this translation exists) I recently got into an argument with a girl I’ve been Frenching (I call it “Frenching” to give the relationship more class and sophistication than “some girl I dry hump enough to hate the zipper on my jeans”). It was her birthday and I sent a plain and simple “Happy Birthday”
In the year 2012… … The phrase “shooting fish in a barrel” will fall out of favor for “making fun of Tim Tebow.” … In accordance with her recent pledge to tone down her sexiness, Nicki Minaj will exist less. … A “Got Milk?” ad featuring Dakota Fanning will be ruled as child pornography.
Like all human endeavors that don’t make much sense, the Occupy movement is a mating ritual. As such, the protests are a hotbed of pick-up lines. Not all of them achieve their intended effect, but they all shed light on the essence of the Occupy movement.
Why does it seem like Whole Foods has a restraining order on Cash Advanced Centers? This may say something about people who eat healthy, or at least like to think they eat healthy. Regardless, it should help Whole Foods decide where to build more of their organic juggernauts of soy yoga journals.