This song takes me back. I had this theory in high school: As long as I was listening to the oldies station in my car, I would never get busted for drinking. (And I only got busted a few times, so it mostly worked.)
Whenever If You Wanna Be Happy by Jimmy Soul came on, I would always wonder if he was right. Are attractive girls always going to be a pain in the ass? And so is it better to just marry an ugly one?
As Jimmy Soul argues:
A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You’ll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She’ll always give you peace of mind.
It’s true: Attractive girls are more demanding. They’ll nag, and challenge you, and complain, but only at first, and only if you let them. Remember, girls are puppies. They want nothing more than for you to be their leader, which is why pimping is a necessary profession. But the only way girls can make sure you’re a leader is to be a pain in the ass sometimes, and then, hopefully, bask in your strength and persistence.
Or, you can cave in to their feminine chaos, and eventually, your wife will be in a position to break your heart, after your masculinity is worn down to a nub.
If this isn’t something you want to deal with, then marry an ugly girl, or any girl who’s extremely thankful to get a man.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with ugly girls, but don’t just marry one because you’re afraid of the inevitable conflict that comes with marrying a girl who knows she has options.