It’s easy to get caught up in trying to figure out if a girl wants you. Is that a polite smile or a genuine smile? Is she mimicking you because she’s nervous, or because she comes from a poor, provincial town? Is she crossing her legs away from you because she’s disinterested or because her vagina smells like Modesto?
You can drive yourself crazy with these questions. All the books on body language by whatever author was on Oprah last week may be right, but that doesn’t mean they’ll get you what you want.
If a girl who’s not a stripper flips her hair like a stripper, this may signal that she wants you, but if you’re too focused on picking up on signals then you’re not going to be focused on the goal.
So let’s look at how to read girls in a way that will get you what you want. These tips might not tell you everything a girl’s thinking, but not even her own brain could do that.
1. She doesn’t run away
This one is simple enough: if you’re talking to a girl and she’s not at least trying to plan an escape, then she wants you. Though if girls never try to run away from you in mid conversation, then you’re just not trying hard enough.
2. She’s at the gym
Girls go to the gym for three reasons: (1) To lose weight before their wedding, which means they’re looking for one last fling (which is you, dummy). (2) To look for a boyfriend upgrade, usually to a guy who goes to the gym (which is you, dummy). (3) To vainly try to burn off the two cookies they had at lunch (which has nothing to do with you, but also has nothing not to do with you).
3. She’s at a park
Would a girl lay out at the park in her bikini if she wasn’t praying that you would talk to her?
4. She’s at a bar
When a girl goes to a bar, she’s going there for a certain reason that has your face plastered all over it. Unless she’s at a gay bar specifically to avoid guys hitting on her. But in that case she’ll be that much more appreciative when you show her how much she loves you.
5. She laughs at your jokes or doesn’t laugh at your jokes
If you’re at least trying to have fun around a girl, she will want you, no matter her reaction. Different girls react to the same external stimuli in different ways. Some will be coy while others will blurt out with laughter. Besides, girls think about tampons too much to know when it’s appropriate to laugh.
6. You’re not friends with her
If you’ve ever gone out with a girl and you didn’t make a move, I’ve got awesome news for you: every other girl in the world wants you.
7. You’re not thinking about if she wants you
If you know of a girl, even if it’s just a girl you see occasionally at the grocery store, and you’ve never thought about if she wants you, then she definitely wants you. In every sexual relationship dynamic, one of the parties is going to start acting more like Michael Cera than the other, at least a little bit. And if it’s not you, then it’s her, even if she doesn’t append her sentences with, “or whatever.”