The State of the Union address is like college. It’s mostly a waste of time, but it makes you look smart if you pay attention, and both go much smoother if you drink heroically throughout. So during this year’s State of the Union, take a shot every time…
You get the urge to change the channel to ESPN.
Obama fails to make the connection between terrorism and Islam.
Obama brings up an issue that’s equally as irrelevant as his birth certificate, like his knowledge of economics.
Obama’s mien seems to say, “Yes, that was a good thing to say.”
Obama’s manner in talking about America sounds like he’s consoling a rape victim.
You’re thankful you no longer have to look at Nancy Pelosi’s face the whole time.
You’re offended by John Boehner’s face, which has a level of bronze and sadness that registers a 6.5 on the Jwoww scale.
Obama references a town in the rust belt with fewer than 5,000 people.
Obama talks about letters written to him by children.
Obama advises us to create an economy more like China, India, and other third-world countries.
Obama seems to confuse himself for a CEO, a businessman, or anybody else who can actually create a job.
You cannot decide whether Biden or Boehner looks more like the Cowardly Lion.
Biden jumps into a standing applause before Obama gets to the direct object of a sentence.
Obama proposes a solution that could summed up by the phrase, “free money.”
The camera that scans the crowd catches a congressman paying attention.
Matt Drudge posts a photo of Michelle Obama with a headline about her dress.
You could swear that Obama is doing an impression of Fred Armisten.
Obama confuses the ability to make historical references with leadership.
One of Obama’s sentences could be summed up by the phrase, “unite and rule.”
One of Obama’s sentences could be summed up by the phrase, “things could be worse.”