Meeting girls can be scary, so it’s best not to even try. Besides, you can rely on meeting new people through friends and online dating because that’s not sad.
1. Any nervousness you experience when talking to a girl is actually your body telling you to rearrange your DVD collection.
2. If you order a vodka martini in just the right way, girls will approach you.
3. You don’t want to feel like a dumbass, and you watch enough How I Met Your Mother as is.
4. Stuttering gives you gas.
5. It’s easier to convince yourself it’s less awkward to ask a buddy’s girlfriend if she has any single friends.
6. When you’re a millionaire you’ll save a reporter’s life from a street gang and have Alfred take her to your bat cave.
7. Susie Jacobsen called you a crater face in seventh grade.
8. You’re not good enough for girls who are too pretty and every other girl just doesn’t look right.
9. Girls can’t stand it when guys hit on them because if there’s one thing girls hate, it’s confidence.
10. The only time you’re drunk enough to talk to girls is right as you’re about to piss your pants.