There is a victim of catcalling, but it’s not women.
Girls mostly complain for the sake of complaining. It gives them a reason to feel important without having to do anything. Being important for no good reason is the ultimate goal of the female, hence the princess fantasy.
So when girls complain about getting catcalled, it makes you think it never happens. But this is one of the rare instances in which girls’ complaints do reflect reality.
However, the extent to which girls have anything productive to say about catcalling ends here—when you ask girls why guys catcall, they say it’s because men are a privileged group and so they’re entitled by society to dehumanize women. It’s almost as if they’re parroting crap they learned in college.
This explanation is rendered ridiculous when you see what your typical catcaller looks like, which is more drunk and depressed than privileged and entitled.
One time I was walking down the street with a girl who was catcalled. It pissed me off because (1) catcalling is indeed viscerally repulsive, and (2) this guy had the gall to catcall her in front of me, a guy who she was obviously with. I yelled “are you fucking kidding me?” as I turned toward him. Then I saw him. Then I just felt bad for him. For the sake of description, we’ll call him Drunky McBloatface.
Drunky McBloatface didn’t hoot at this girl because of gall, but because of the Old Grand-Dad in his blood. He didn’t need sensitivity training, he needed suicide watch. He didn’t need to check his privilege, he needed to check himself into detox.
Drunky McBloatface, and all that his existence implied, demonstrates why guys actually catcall. It’s not because we live in a culture of misogyny—rather, guys catcall women because guys can be total degenerates and morons.
There are ultimately two ways men can deal with women—as objects and as humans. Of course it’s good to treat women as objects. If, however, you can only treat women as objects, then there will be a hole in you that all the lap dances in the world could never fill. And if you have massive amounts of anxiety built up around women—because you’re a degenerate and a moron—then your hand is forced. Since anxiety impedes genuine interactions with women, you are only able to treat women as objects.
The catcall is the passive-aggressive version of treating women as objects—you know you feel helpless, but you’re surreptitiously trying to convince yourself that you’re not.
It’s natural for women to get upset when they’re catcalled. I was pissed as hell at Drunky McBloatface. But I cannot bring myself to say catcalling hurts women because to do so would feel incredibly patronizing toward women, like they’re too weak to deal with it. However, catcalling does cause a deep, psychological stress in the men who do it—or more specifically, it reinforces a deep, psychological stress in the men who do it. It reinforces the idea women are these distant, unknowable objects, and the only way to possibly reach them is to holler in vain. Inevitably, you feel like shit when you do it.
Drunky McBloatface looked like the epitome of a guy who felt like shit about himself. At best, he could have mustered the defiant look of a 12-year-old who just drew a mustache on a subway ad.
I make a similar point about the recent Jennifer Lawrence photo leaks. Feminists were claiming that by looking at those leaked photos, men were sexually harassing JLaw. Oh please. JLaw will be fine. She’s a grown woman. The men who look at the photos, however, won’t be fine. By looking at those photos with an air of “oh goody,” they’re training themselves to see women as idols. And you don’t build relationships with idols, you masturbate to them, both emotionally and physically.
This is why talking to that cute girl you see in the produce section, for instance, is important. Even if it doesn’t work who cares? Every time you do it, you incrementally lift your veil of anxiety, eventually allowing you to see the truth of what women are—there and human. As you internalize the idea that women are there and human, you become normal.
The truth about catcalling reveals a more fundamental truth about humans. We live in a complex, interdependent society, but ultimately, we are individuals by nature. As such, you will never help somebody more than you help yourself, and you will never hurt somebody more than you hurt yourself.