Hey you, you’re going to die. It’s important to remember this almighty truth because it keeps you on your toes. Death is every man’s Cato.
A great way to keep death on the front of your mind is to come up with your final words beforehand. Make them funny, too, because men laugh at death—unlike all those effete religious types.
Here are some examples to get you thinking.
1. My only regret is I spent too much time with my family.
2. My bowels, they are a-movin’ (*imitates poop noise*)
3. Wait, I’m not ready yet (*farts*) okay, now I’m ready.
4. Tell my wife I love her… Hummers.
5. I’m glad I never learned a foreign language.
6. My mark on the mural of humanity is to say “boner” one last time… (*conjures final breath*)… Fin.
7. One… final… handy (to your wife or nurse).
8. I am finally no longer afraid to say something I’ve kept bottled up my whole life: I cried during The Running Man.
9. I renounce my atheism… (*conjures final breath*)… Not!
10. Thanks for all the fart jokes.