If Christians wanted to suck all the fun out of Christmas, then they could have at least devised a better mascot than Jesus. But I guess the same minds that would try to ruin fun would have a difficult time coming up with someone cooler than Santa.
1. Santa is the symbol of good will towards men; Jesus is the symbol of men who volunteer at Goodwill.
2. Jesus says he can turn water into wine, but he also said he had a girlfriend when it’s pretty clear she thought of him more as a brother.
3. Jesus leached off the popularity of the Sun in order to make a name for himself, so he’s basically Turtle from Entourage.
4. Santa’s elves don’t have a strident history of pedophilia.
5. It’s tough to have a more iconic beard than Jesus, but Santa figured it out.
6. The Night Before Christmas is way easier to get through than The Bible.
7. The only group of people who celebrate Jesus and not Santa are Jehovah’s Witnesses.
8. Santa may have the body of a diabetic, but Jesus has the body of a Michael Cera.
9. Dressing up as Jesus for a Christmas party is totally weird.
10. People only lie to you about the magic of Santa for the first few years of your life.