Four More Myths About Girls

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An addendum.

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It would be difficult to teach Einstein anything about physics after he turned 27. Similarly, I haven’t learned anything about girls since I wrote Seven Myths About Girls two years ago. But I have thought of four myths I left out of the original article.

8. No means no

As I’ve stated before, if I took every “no” I heard from a girl as a literal “no,” I’d still be such a virgin I’d think How I Met Your Mother is funny. Instead of the “no means no” platitude, I prefer the much more accurate, “running away means no.” Or “no means let’s see if you’re too big of a pussy to just rape me.” If a girl wants to stop you, she’ll stop you.

Your date is going to protest with many “no’s” as she follows you into your bedroom. And that’s as big of a “yes” as you’re ever going to get.*

9. Girls are feminists

Girls love to tell you they’re feminists. But they only say this for two reasons (1) they feel like they’re a traitor to their sex if they say otherwise. Or (2) they’ve never met a man who is worthy of them playing a more feminine, submissive role in the relationship. If you were a girl, out in the world, trying to find a leader, but every guy you met played xbox and ate potato chips every day, you’d be a feminist, too. It’s like how some people say they hate authority. This is merely code for “my dad was an alcoholic.” They don’t hate authority in itself—they simply don’t believe any human is capable of an authoritative role. After all, the first person who was supposed to build their lives through structure and discipline couldn’t. Put these deformed egalitarians in a company that has an effective, intelligent boss who’s a class act all around, and they have no problem doing what he says.

10. Girls are religious

Atheists like Richard Dawkins and Michael Shermer argue that humans are wired to believe in the supernatural—that religion, in a way, is a natural part of who we are. I’m not sure this is the case. But I do know that every girl is born with the capacity to worship a man, and when they cannot find a man to worship, they worship the next best thing: a god. (Or, in the case of lefty girls, a political leader. Or, in the case of old maids, a cat.) It’s amazing how often a girl says she’s Christian, then you fuck her, then she says she really doesn’t believe in God and just goes to church to do something with her mom. If you’re an atheist like I am, and so wary of getting too serious with a religious chick, it’s usually safe to assume her beliefs are a smoke screen that’s easily fanned away by making her pussy wet.

11. Girls are moral

Girls aren’t immoral, they’re simply not moral. Nothing to get upset about—such is nature.

For instance, a girl will say she wants to focus on a career instead of a family to appease the gods of feminism. And it’s easier to appease the gods of feminism when dudes ride long boards as their main source of transportation. That’s fair enough. However, once a girl finds a guy who doesn’t smile like an approval-hungry dork, she insist he cums in her vagina, and the fact she’s not on birth control is “totally fine, don’t worry about it.”

The principle to take away from this is: Girls are much more adaptive than guys. A less euphemistic, more accurate way of saying this is: Girls’ behavior is more dependent on their environment than guys’ behavior.** If a guy is damaged, the culprit is his character. If a girl is damaged, the culprit is her environment. To criticize girls for being feminists, for example, is like criticizing an elephant for going on a rampage after you keep him locked up in a small cage for three weeks.

Conclusion

While I, in fact, do keep learning more about girls as I get older, my general conclusion about them has remained the same for the past ten years: Most of what we’re taught about girls is wrong. The image of woman you see projected onto the cultural cortex is nothing more than a projection. It’s what woman needs to see herself as to navigate a world in which she is, for the most part, better off without men. But if you offer woman a more powerful image of man—through honesty, shamelessness, and selfishness—their graduate degrees, careers, and protests will be brushed aside in order to live out a more powerful, healthier encoding.

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DatingMark Derian