No-Shame Game

her eyes are totally saying "yes"

her eyes are totally saying "yes"

Never ask for sex.


Feminism is like the holocaust. Usually, I walk around unaware of how horrible it is, but every so often, I see or hear something that reminds me of it, and I cannot believe it’s a real thing.

The other day, I was talking to a guy whose masculinity had been genocided by the tyranny of equality. He recently had a girl in his bed, and while they were making out and petting heavy, he asked her if she wanted to have sex. Out loud; explicitly. Ugh, it’s like nails on the chalkboard. Big surprise: she said no, got turned off, and then left.

It’s like asking a girl where she wants to go on your date.

It’s like asking a girl if it’s okay for you to kiss her.

It’s like asking a girl if you’re her type.

Total cringe.

This asking of permission reminded me what feminists consider sexual consent—in lawyer-esque fashion, the guy is supposed to ask if the girl wants to have sex, and the girl must say “yes” explicitly, definitively, and enthusiastically.

If you consider that and only that consent, then I’ve raped a lot of girls.

I don’t care if a girl has built a shrine dedicated to your farts, if you stop the petting to ask her if it’s okay to have sex, or even if it’s okay to go further, her vagina will dry up faster than a Mormon wedding. Asking permission, for anything, is needy behavior to the power of googol, which is the easiest way to turn women off.

Your job, as the man, is to keep pushing forward until she stops you, go back one step, spend some time there, then keep pushing forward again. If she doesn’t want to go further, you will feel the intention in her body, even after six glasses of wine. All girls can do a push-up, but only if they want to.

The misconception surrounding the idea of enthusiastic consent is that women get turned on before you make a move forward. This usually isn’t the case. The fact that you make a move is what turns women on. The feminists who invented enthusiastic consent don’t understand this sexual dynamic because isn’t it obvious?

And it’s not only the male chauvinists like me who know this. Below is dialogue from the tv show Girls that demonstrates this point. It’s between Jessa and a random guy she’s making out with at a bar:

Jessa: “Put your hands down my pants.”
Guy: “Now?”
“Okay. Like that? Is that okay?”
“DONT ask me that ever again in my life.”

And here’s an argument between Marnie and her boyfriend:

Boyfriend: “I don’t know what you want from me. What do you want me to do?”
Marnie: “You shouldn’t have to do what I want, you should just be able to be yourself and not care what I think”
“Well it’s hard to do that because it seems like being myself is getting you really frustrated with me.”
“Who cares!?”

See, even chicks who watch Girls think you’re a homo if you ask.

The truth about rape inverses what we believe about sex, that men display and women select. In fact, both men and women display, and men select. Women rarely select on their own. They will, however, surround themselves with men they consider potentials, and wait for one of them to do something about it.

These guys who do something about it are the ones who know there is no perfect moment. Every sexual advancement I’ve made has been awkward. If I try to be smooth—by kissing her as she’s coming down from a laugh, or after she says something that isn’t totally retarded about how much she loves pizza—it, at most, decreases the awkwardness by five percent.

I’m not writing this to prove feminists wrong. Masculinity, not words, prove feminists wrong. I’m writing this for the guys like my aforementioned, holocausted friend. For the love of God, don’t ask. Never ask. If she’s not into it, she’ll stop you, which is way less awkward than asking. Keep moving forward. Otherwise, you’re robbing yourself of an awesome experience—you’re robbing her of an awesome experience. And I know you feel that drain in energy when you ask. It sucks, I know, but it’s not a natural part of relationships. Suffering never is.

If, after a while, a girl is still resisting you, yet she wants to keep making out, or if at least she’s not running away, then move things forward without putting physical pressure on her. For instance, if you take off your shirt, she’ll be more likely to take off her shirt. If you take off your pants, she’ll be more likely to take off her pants. And never underestimate the power of just taking your penis out. I believe that girls all come with an innate mechanism that automatically makes them grab a boner if they see it out in the open in this context. Or just take her hand and put it on your penis, as I’ve suggested before. This has never gone badly for me. Okay it has but so what?

The patriarchy has done its share of oppression of female sexuality. Now it’s payback time for the rising matriarchy. The only way to disregard these feminist admonishments is when you have no shame about who you are. Then, instead of listening to childless PhDs, you listen to your lust. It’s there, though it may be covered up with years of apologetic head nodding. Do yourself and womankind a favor and embrace it—it knows the difference between the excitement of unapologetic penetration and the psychosis of forceful penetration.

DatingMark Derian