Seven Ways to Communicate You're Trustworthy

Jesus and St. Paul

Jesus and St. Paul

If a girl trusts you, it doesn't matter whether she likes you.


When a guy meets a girl, he often tries to get her to like him. This seems logical, but trying to get somebody to like you invariably turns you into a wuss. It’s better if a girl trusts you because, even if she doesn’t like you, she’ll still do you. More importantly, you’ll be happier with yourself. As my friend Derek points out: "How can the Big Tymers talk about beating up pussy yet still swim in it?" The secret ingredient is trust.

Of course, the best way to get a girl to trust you is to be trustworthy. But that’s too broad of a topic for this article. For the time being, we’ll just examine how to act in a way that is trustworthy. And who knows? You may actually become trustworthy in the process.

(Note: This advice presupposes that you don’t lie to girls. This may be an obvious point, but guys lie to girls when they think they’re smart enough to get away with it. If you’ve never lied to a girl, you should do it once to prove to yourself that you’re not smart enough to get away with it, and it ruins your life.)

1. Be above her emotions.
Guys freak out when girls cry. The most common response is “don’t cry,” performed as an emotional upchuck. “Don’t Cry” is only appropriate when performed as a Guns N’ Roses song. Even worse, guys will try to fix whatever the problem is. But crying is fixing the problem—it’s the chick version of facing your fears. It may be scary for her when it happens, but ultimately, it’s the only thing that can heal her (yes, I know, besides your penis). 

I’m not sure about when a girl cries during sex. This has never happened to me, but I think it’s a pretty natural occurrence so I wouldn’t worry about it. Regardless, the principle applies the same—just don’t let it affect you and freak out, without being condescending, and you’ll be fine. 

2. Make a move confidently.
The reason girls friend zone guys who can’t make a move is because, if the girl can’t trust the guy to handle the tension of kissing her, how can she trust him to handle more serious tension farther into the relationship? She can’t, so she’s not going to take up the slack by making the move herself. If she did, she’ll always wonder in the back of her mind if you’re just a big pussy.

3. Tell her she’s fat.
All girls at some point could lose five pounds. I don’t care if they look like the spawn of Twiggy and the Washington Monument. Of course, she’ll acknowledge this emphatically and annoyingly, but if you don’t also acknowledge this, she won’t be able to trust you because she’ll know you’re lying to avoid conflict. And, as every comedian ever has pointed out, there will be conflict when you point this out. She’ll cry and scream (see #1), but after the storm’s over, she’ll feel safer around you.

4. Set boundaries ASAP.
If you meet a girl who smokes, and you don’t smoke, tell her not to smoke around you as soon as possible. If you wait until after you’ve had sex with her to tell her this, she’ll start to think you were being extra nice (re: extra manipulative) just to get in her pants. From this point, it’s nearly impossible to have a strong, intimate relationship with someone. The first time a girl does something that you’re not okay with, let her know immediately. Don’t let it build up for a month, because, after a marathon of repression, you’ll necessarily be a whiny bitch about it. Let her know she’s doing something wrong like a teacher would correct a student who doesn’t know better.

5. Only watch TV when you’re done with work.
Maybe this is all in my head, but I seriously think girls can tell if you’re watching TV because you’re relaxing, or because you’re avoiding life. If you do the latter too much, she’ll express her distrust in your ability to confront the challenges of life by cheating on you.

6. Be okay with her attempts to deflate your ego.
Girls will constantly try to deflate your ego. They’ll tell you they don’t like your shoes, or that you don’t make enough money. At least, these are things girls tell me because I’m poor and have been wearing the same Rockports since 11th grade. Girls will also deflate your ego in more subtle ways, like trying to get you wrapped up in her drama—the ultimate energy drain. Take these jibes as a good sign. If she didn’t like you, then she wouldn’t care how strong your ego was, and so she wouldn’t poke at it. If you’re going to act like you’re trustworthy, you have to understand these ego assaults are a natural part of the dynamic. Feel this, and the next time a girl tells you she only dates guys with a college degree, you’ll be no more offended than if a kitty was pawing at your forearm. 

7. See if you can trust her.
Given that most guys would cross oceans just to smell a pussy, we don’t even think about, let alone care, if a girl is trustworthy. But if a girl knows that she needs to be trustworthy to get in your pants, she’ll be much less worried about you being trustworthy. There are many ways to do this, but one that works well is think about the coolest thing about you, the thing that would make the most girls horny for you. Now don’t tell this thing to a girl you’re dating until you have sex. Then after you have sex, tell her about it, and tell her why you withheld the information. She’ll freak out. If there’s nothing cool about you, then tell a girl you work at Taco Bell. If she still likes you, then you can trust her. 

Being trustworthy goes beyond honesty. It’s like the difference between David Copperfield and an actual sorcerer. Honesty in a healthy relationship is a prerequisite. Trust means going beyond honesty and being a certain type of person. It’s more than just getting her to trust you—it’s getting you to trust yourself. And if you can get laid in the process, all the better. 

DatingMark Derian