The Modern Duel


Dueling still exists, albeit in an implicit form.


The duel between men was born from honor, integrity, and having sex with the wife of the loser. Though mainly it’s about having sex, which is what everything is born from, figuratively and literally. 

Every culture throughout history has had a version of the duel. We have one, too, it just doesn’t seem like it because men get manicures now. As such, the duel has gone underground, which is to say it’s become passive aggressive. But this doesn’t mean it matters any less.

You see, when it comes to relating with girls, it’s not only about how you talk to them---it’s also how you talk to other guys. It’s human nature. We judge people by how they interact with us, but mostly by how they interact with other people. If you met your hero only to find out that he was p-whipped by his wife---or that he even had a wife---he probably wouldn’t be your hero anymore. 

Especially when meeting girls in a social dynamic, it’s less important to learn what to say to girls than what to say to guys. This is the modern duel. 

Now, if your self-esteem is in a good place, most dueling will be unnecessary. But this is still good information to keep in mind so you at least know when other guys are trying to duel with you.

Tell guys what to do
Even something little like, “hey could you get me a spoon while you’re up” is noticeable to the subconscious status aggregator of girls. They’ll notice who is giving orders, and who is taking them, even when it doesn’t seem like it’s that big of a deal. It’s easy for you to call me a douche for saying this, but it’s reality of social situations. The takeaway here isn’t to push people around, but if you are uncomfortable telling other guys what to do, that’s probably a bad sign. And all things being equal, if another guy is more comfortable with giving orders, girls will go for him every time.

Give approval to guys
If you can talk about how a guy is a good guy---specifically how he’s a great addition to your life---on the surface it seems nice, but really what you’re saying is that this guy is subservient to you. 

“Yeah, I love having Frank around---he’s the funniest guy” means “Frank is my jester. 

Or “Frank is great with computers---he always fixes mine” means “Frank is my IT guy.” 

The girl doesn’t have to know Frank, she only has to know the role other guys play in your life, even if it’s just a sliver of their actual role. And if you pull the, “Frank is great, I’d love to find a good girl for him” angle with girls, you look like the shepherd looking after his flock, and Frank looks like a sexless sheep. This is why it feels heartfelt to tell another guy you’re proud of him when you two are alone, and why it feels douche-y to say the same thing in mixed company.

Don’t be obsequious
Of course, when giving approval, you don’t want to come off as obsequious. When you’re too deferential to another guy, the girl who likes you will transfer her affection to the other guy. He didn’t win the duel, you gave it to him. For example, I’ve recently been in a social situation in which another guy apologized to me about six times in two minutes. And he wasn’t doing anything wrong. It was done more as an upchuck than a sincere apology. This is a big problem if you’re trying to make a girl feel happy to know you. It’s this dynamic that causes girls to end up sleeping with their boyfriend’s friends. Whereas guys sleep with their girlfriend’s friends because they have boobs.

Ignore guys
Ignoring people is a great way to let them know you’re better than them. Next time somebody asks you a question and you're not looking at them, just sit there and let them ask again. It feels good. If you’re an arrogant jackass, this will come naturally.

Talk about how a guy has learned from you
I have a great story about a guy I used to work with. I effectively coached him into having sex with our coworker. It’s a good story to tell a girl because most guys won’t do that. They’re usually trying too hard to have sex themselves they couldn't care less about helping out another guy. Not you, because you want to help out other guys because you're above them in the pecking order.

Talk about how a guy doesn’t live up to your standards
This is a tricky one, because you don’t want this to come off as whiny. So keep the criticism to fewer than 30 words. But if a guy doesn’t live up to your standards, it’s usually a good thing to slide into a conversation with a girl. She doesn’t even have to know who you’re talking about and it still works. This makes sense because even though most guys are basically good people, there’s a reason Taco Bell and Xbox exist. See what I did there?

Of course, there is no replacement for genuinely being a valuable guy by having your life together, being outgoing, and generally having a net positive on the environment. But let’s not kid ourselves and deny the nature of competition between men. Just don’t let it get out of hand, like competition between girls. 

DatingMark Derian