The Receptive Face

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The unconscious signal of arousal.

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We all know that girls like sex as much as guys do, perhaps more so. But this doesn’t mean that a girl will ever pounce on you. Girls don’t think, “Wow, I really need to have sex with that guy, so I better rip his clothes off.” Sure, this happens sometimes to famous people, but if you always wait until a girl gets sexually aggressive, you’re going to think girls don’t want to have sex with you. You’ll find solace in Michael Cera movies, then girls really won’t want to have sex with you.

Yet a sexually aggressive girl remains a fantasy for most guys. This is how sex happens in porn. A pizza delivery guy knocks on a door, a girl opens up the door, realizes she has no money, and then tries to pay him in another way. The pizza guy cannot say “no” enough times to her sexual advances. She won’t hear of it. Maybe porn stars aren’t bad actors—they’re only doing something that’s really unnatural. Laurence Olivier would be awkward if he had to walk around on his hands.

When guys get turned on, they become aggressive. When girls get turned on, they become receptive. We didn’t learn these states any more than we learned to have an elbow. This is how all the great apes work. When a female orangutan is ovulating, she’ll carry on with her life exactly as she was before, but now in proximity to a male. That’s it. She won’t avoid him and she won’t go right up next to him. This is the sex dance of lions, too. When a lioness is in heat, she won’t put her butt in a lion’s face. She’ll merely pace back and forth in front of him until he jumps on her. So if a girl walks by you more than twice, does that mean you should pounce on her? Maybe not, but it’s a good conversation starter.

You probably know something about this. Girls display a multitude of signals to indicate interest. But these signals are usually weak and ambiguous. Plus, most of them are conscious, which easily leads to game playing. It’s easy to get lost in reading signals, which makes you ambiguous, and so kills attraction. You’ll be friend-zoned four times before you muster the courage to make your move.

There is, however, one powerful, unambiguous signal girls display. Even a wet vagina doesn’t compare. A girl can still say “no” when she has a wet vagina, plus you don’t know about it (unless you “check” her, which isn’t for the faint of heart). A girl’s light could not be more green when she displays this signal. I call it the receptive face, or R-face for short.

The R-face is an exaggerated softening of the face. The eyes get bigger and glaze over, the mouth relaxes, and it’s as if the face is asking, “what do you want me to do now?” A warm smile looks like Hillary Clinton by comparison. This face makes it seems like she’s become a new girl. The R-face is probably what a girl’s sororal twin would look like if she had one.

But describing the R-face doesn’t matter. What matters is you know it exists, and you understand the psychology behind it. The R-face is a melting away of the persona. A girl can finally be herself. She feels safe and comfortable, the MO of every girl. All the work a girl puts into finding a top male has finally paid off at this point. It’s a release. If you try pushing for sex when you don’t see that face, you might have trouble. (Sometimes, however, making a move induces the R-face.) More importantly, if you don’t push for sex when you do see the face, then you’re hurting her feelings.

The R-face has slowly been making itself known to me over the years. You see, I only lost my virginity because a girl was sexually aggressive with me. I later found out she just wanted to cheat on her boyfriend. At the time, I was happy to be used, but the problem was that I came to think this is how sex happened. Also, I listened to a lot of 2 Live Crew growing up, which subconsciously taught me that, if a girl liked you, she would approach you and say, sock it to me.”

What’s unique about the R-face is it cannot be faked. Movies may get the O-face right, but an actress’s bedroom eyes look more like “I just farted” eyes. It’s not even close. The R-face is the inverse of the slapThis lack of control compounds the scariness of the R-face. It’d be like if men got erections on their foreheads, and it made their asses easily penetrable. If every time men went out this had a possibility of blindsiding us, we’d sometimes be standoffish, too.

Maybe it would be too weird if movies did get this look right. When a girl shows her R-face, she’s incredibly vulnerable. You can pretty much do whatever you want with her. I don’t think any actress would want to be shown to millions of people like this. It would be much more exposing than simply being naked.

Of course, it makes sense that a girl’s receptiveness is unconscious. If girls always decided to like a guy or have sex, then they would mostly decide not to have sex and be lesbians. Naturally, if you try to convince a girl to have sex with you, then she will be as receptive as a lesbian.

Understanding the R-face exists isn’t the end of your girl problems. It does, however, lend to a healthier perspective on sex. Instead of sex being something you have to get from girls, you start viewing sex as a great pleasure you can offer girls. After all, a girl wants to make the R-face just as much as you want to see it.

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DatingMark Derian