Your Girls

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Find yourself, then find your girls.

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Meeting girls is incredibly easy for me. I barely think about it, yet it happens all the time. This isn’t because I’m more skilled or more confident than I’ve ever been. My game stats probably topped off two years ago. At this point, the only way I could be more desirable to girls—without getting a nose job—is if I was on television.

Rather, meeting girls is easy for me because, through the accumulation of experience, I now have something called intuition.

Even a few years ago, if I wanted to meet girls, I would go out and talk to the first 10 girls I saw who were even a little bit attractive. That’s it. Were they attractive? If yes, then I’d talk to them. Like the bull in a china shop, I made things happen, but it wasn’t pretty. As long as girls kept taking their clothes off in front of me, however, I figured I was doing the right thing.

Now, I won’t talk to just any girl. I talk to girls who have a certain way about them. It has little to do with how they look, and more to do with how they are. If you’re looking for it, after a while you’ll notice some girls make a pre-conscious impression on you, and you’ll start walking toward them before you know what’s happening.

These girls aren’t just any girls; they’re my girls.

I see one of them out on the street, or in a coffee shop, or on the train, and it makes sense for me to talk to her and date her. Before I even open my mouth it feels like this girl was my girlfriend from a past life. When I text her for the first time, it’s like I’m texting a girl I’ve already been with with.

If you’re still a novice, then don’t attempt to tune into your radar like this. Talk to every girl you see who’s attractive. Even if she’s not. First get your sea legs and lose your psychological virginityLet the radar hone itself.

When I lived in Las Vegas, I would walk from the MGM Grand to Treasure Island and back, talking to every girl of breeding age. I looked like an idiot, but it was an important stage in the process.

After a while, you begin to see patterns. You begin to understand who you are, and who you are in relation to girls. You develop a sixth sense for the kind of girls who you can make happy, and who can make you happy.

If I see a fashionista strutting down the street with her cat-dog in tow, I can appreciate her beauty, but she’s not my girl.

If I see a book-donkeying Asian girl who hasn’t quite figured out how to wear make up, I can appreciate her seriousness and humility, but she’s not my girl.

Any two of my girls could look very different, but there is a quality about them that is exactly the same.

And when I do see one of my girls on the subway, staring out the window, clutching a modest yet prized purse on her lap, I’m already caught in her vortex, and it’s game over. I don’t even remember the last time a girl tried to blow me off by saying she had a boyfriend. Of course she doesn’t have a boyfriend—she's my girl.

So go out and surround yourself with as many different types of girls as possible. Learn from them. Appreciate them. Listen to them. Grow a lush, healthy vine. After a while, however, the vine becomes too full, it begins to produce sour fruit, and it depletes the soil.

Remember the nature of the vine, and trim it back.

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PsychologyMark Derian